i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
