Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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