You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
