i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The uberlube is also flammable
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
