what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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