Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
