i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
