I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
