But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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