..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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