I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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