dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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