so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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