fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cockslap morals
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
