Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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