he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
