He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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