Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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