I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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