i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
