He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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