anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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