I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
