are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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