Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
