i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
is it fun? or sober?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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