I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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