I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
