I am midnight drunk by noon
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
jump out the window naked night went bad
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