I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
