I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
