I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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