Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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