he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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