dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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