he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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