Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
