I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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