You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
