There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
