I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wear drunk well.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
