you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
