Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
