I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
