sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize