I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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