How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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