That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
