I hate your face
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
