The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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