would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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