i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Please, let me fuck your mom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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