my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Farmville is her only friend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
