you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
