saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
