hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
