I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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