My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
