I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
smell my finger.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
