I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
