I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
