She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
