So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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