then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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