dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She announced her abortion via fbk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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