glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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