She's JV to your varsity
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
