So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
