she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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