Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
