I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
