Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
