I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
