My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
