if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
