Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will be naked everywhere
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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