Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
