bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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