Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize