I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
