so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
