Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
